Perpetuate
The Suffering delves deep into themes of memory, trauma, and resilience with
their latest release, Black Curtain. We discuss inspiration, creative
processes, and their unique use of AI in music.
1. Can
you tell us about the inspiration behind Black Curtain and how your late
mother’s memory influenced this release?
The second
part of this one leads into the first. My mother influenced this release by
inspiring me to act on my creativity. I have always held myself down in life
and I know my mom did her fair share of that as well. I just..after so long
with her being gone and different things I was having to deal with for her
estate and helping family members back home with and being gone from my wife
and kids for 8 months for all of that, all the while not really being able to
process her loss. After getting back home and back with my family the
inspiration I have gained from my mother's memory and all of her struggles have
pushed me forward. As for Black Curtain, it was inspired specifically by a
process where when having to deal with large and continuous amounts of trauma
over long periods of time and, in my case from a very young age. What can
happen is there are so many terrible things going on and so the mind is on
constant guard and gradually develops defense mechanisms that we don't even
realize we have until later on in life. Black Curtain specifically deals with
how in the face of so much trauma the brain just basically erases everything,
good and bad. I mean, i am sure it is probably in there some where but no
matter how hard a person can try they just cannot pull up memories that they
want to and often trying to pull up memories leads to bringing up terrible
memories or has the unintended circumstance of having random terrible memories
insert themselves into your daily life when you least expect them. Black Curtain
deals with the resignation that a person may never be able to regain what has
been lost and also that if they can't find a way to break through it they will
never be able to deal with the experiences that so scarred them into
unintentionally developing the Black Curtain as a defense mechanism and truly
move forward into better things for their life.
2. The
themes of memory, trauma, and resilience are central to Black Curtain. How did
you approach translating these personal experiences into music and lyrics?
There really wasn't much of an approach to it. Those themes have been very
heavily prevailent in my life throughout the course of it so really before I
knew it this song was done. I had to do a bit of tweaking to it at the end but
those themes; trauma, memory, resilience..and others such as sorrow, rage,
doubt, fear..just so much that I have processed for so long...it was a pretty
seamless process for this song.
3. You
use AI technology to craft music and vocals. What led you to explore this
innovative approach, and how has it shaped your creative process?
Well, I had
previously, as a means to kind of help me deal with some of the trauma of my
mom's loss and the fallout of how it affected my family back home done a
comedic song and it got me introduced to the medium and i already felt
comfortable with it. What it has done for me creatively has been amazing. Just
with the way my life has gone, I never really had the confidence or know how to
try and get into the music industry with my own ability or by developing what
musical skill I had or learning new musical skills. Everyone wants to be the
rock star, the pop star, the lead guitarist, whatever place that would be. I
never really thought about the writing aspect of it. I have always had a gift
for written word, I just haven't allowed myself to use that potential within
myself. AI allows me to do that. Don't get me wrong...i respect the hell out of
musicians who play their own instruments..singers..just all of it...i have
probably listened to upwards of 100k+ hours of music in the last 30-35 years of
my life. I have always had a very deep love for music. What I have found is
that by pairing AI with my lyrics..my vision, i can truly find my vision. The
beauty of it is I feel like it is probably very similar to the process for a
writer in an actual band that records, plays live venues, etc. The songwriter
will write their song but then there is the give and take with all the other
members of the band the songwriter will have in keeping their song the way they
want it and then making it as close to their vision of what they think it
should be once it is put to music while going through the actual music and it's
arrangement with the vocals. With AI I write my songs and then I create as many
versions as I want and then I can take as much time as I want to parse through
them to make sure I have songs that bring my vision for the lyrics to life in a
way that I believe others will be able to enjoy and also identify with if they
share the same or similar life experiences to what are shared in the song.
4.
You’ve mentioned that your music reflects on how individuals perpetuate their
own struggles. How do you hope Black Curtain will resonate with listeners in
this regard?
Well, kind of as an aside to that question, a lot of people always focus on the
struggles of their country or other much larger themed struggles than the ones
that they deal with as individuals, small groups, communities, etc. It is my
belief that the more we as a populace in our individual communities, states,
countries..the more we try to keep from perpetuating the struggles we all face
on the largest of scales without committing to the self introspection and focus
on action within our own lives to stop going down those same paths that lead us
to ruin as individuals, then there isn't really any was as a collective that we
can stop those same struggles from continuing on a larger scale. If we aren't
right within ourselves and cannot have the discipline to positively enhance our
own individual lives to better ourselves then how can we hope to end the
struggles we all share on a larger scale. I don't really think it is possible
to do so. I feel like my goal is to share my experiences and my own struggles and
as I continue this journey reach enough people with my music that it helps them
in some way to stop perpetuating their own individual struggles.
5. Your
recording process is unique, often taking place in your car between jobs. How
does this unconventional setup influence your creativity and workflow?
Well, the cool thing is that since I use AI to generate the vocals and music
for my music, I just mainly have to get my songs written and ready to combine
with the AI interface i use to create my songs and then go through them to
discard immediately ones i know are not useable and then spend enough hours
listening to every version of every song to ensure that I am separating the
best versions of those songs to put out for release. I don't as much now but
when I was a lot younger and found songs/albums i really loved i could listen
to them for an insane amount of time over and over and over again. The goal in
finding the right songs and knowing that they fit my vision is that if i can
listen to a version of my song in the same way and see how long I can listen to
it and still evoke the same love of the music and connection to the message
after all of those listens just like I have with all of the music I have done
that with over the course of my life. Though it may seem uncoventional, it
works pretty well and can be pretty fluid. It is easy to do everything right
from my phone and i can easily set aside working on my music and going right to
it. Driving as a main function of the jobs I take and being in my car when not
on a job I have all the time I need to listen to all versions of the songs as
much as I need to so I can, hopefully, make the right cuts. I have 4 songs
total done and the cuts on the two I already finished were brutal. It is a good
problem to have. Working on my music in my car during my workday gives me time
to do that while also allowing me to put it aside when I am home so I can focus
on my family. Another crucial way it helps is that if I am stuck on something
lyrically while writing, instead of trying to force the process it is easier to
be more patient because I know i will have a job to complete soon and I will
have multiple opportunities within a day to make sure i go the right direction
with a song.
6. What
were the biggest challenges you faced during the creation of Black Curtain,
both emotionally and technically?
Thankfully,
on the emotional side, I had been through most of that already specifically in
relation to the concept of the Black Curtain. For a couple of decades I have
been wrestling with my own Black Curtain and had already become very aware of
how it can affect a person. When my mom died it hit especially hard again
because I have only been able to recall little flashes/pieces of memories of my
mom and experiences with her. That is where a lot of the elements of rage in a
portion of the song come from like the 'mental steam building, flames rising,
brain scalding.' Missing my mom so much but having almost nothing to draw upon
from the banks of my memory was pretty traumatic after losing her. I have a
picture somehow of how things were that I know to be true with all certainty
but I can't pull up the film reels from memory. Technically, I didn't want to
stray from my vision for the song lyrically as it was coming together. I did
try to avoid making Black Curtain too clunky lyrically and as I went through
different versions as they were generated that did not make the cut there were
some ways interpretation of the lyrics definitely did make the song that way.
The themes in the song are emotionally complex and so I wanted to make sure
that Black Curtain would be able to communicate those themes through the lyrics
effectively and still work musically.
7. This
remix single is part of your broader artistic journey. How do you envision your
music evolving as you continue to draw from personal and emotional experiences?
I really don't know that my music will evolve so much as I make sure that I
keep it true to my vision. With my love of music from many different genres and
my willingness to use a song from any genre i choose, I feel like that is a
pretty fluid part of my process, provided that the final product fits my vision
for the song. I think as far as how it will evolve will be some tweaking in my
process as far as not letting myself get too rushed with anticipation or
getting too discouraged and maybe not as into the process in the future if it
seems like I can't find the vision for a song. There have definitely been some
highs and lows to the process so far and I think that if I can keep myself more
even keeled throughout and treat each song writing/creation process as it's own
unique experience I can eliminate some of the mistakes I have made and also
keep me from going down an emotional rollercoaster if during more challenging
sessions. I have been pretty in tune with my own personal and emotional
experiences through most of my life so I think that maybe as I continue that
journey I may express those experiences in ways I hadn't thought to do so
before. This is all so new to me, so i am not really sure that I have an inside
track to how it may evolve in those ways. All i can do is continue to develop
and evolve my plans to keep getting my music out there and I'll find out when
everyone else does how it evolves in those other ways.
8. AI
plays a significant role in your work. Were there any surprises or
breakthroughs during the creation of Black Curtain that you’d like to share?
Well, Black
Curtain is the 4th song I have been working on. Not necessarily the 4th song in
any possible album release going forward but I have done 3 songs for this
project, but technically have experience with 4 songs with AI due to the song i
worked on while still back home dealing with my mom's death. I really didn't
have any big breakthroughs emotionally because those had been made before I
wrote the song and with the AI I had already gotten ample time witnessing how
AI can produce some extremely unique takes on the material and make some
suprising choices and they can either be amazing or completely terrible.
Thankfully i can scrap the terrible ones pretty easily but some of the
interpretations of the lyrics with the vocal and music choices have been simply
amazing to me. Some of them will not make the cut, but they still resonated
with me in different ways. I was also pretty amazed at times with the ability
of AI to generate vocal and musical stylings that fit in perfectly with the
mood, themes, and other aspects of the songs.
9. Your
music focuses on introspection and personal growth. How do you balance creating
deeply personal art with crafting something that connects universally?
I think that emotions and complex thought about our own individual life choices
are things people in general deal with a lot. Though to go with that, I feel
like there is an unsaid social stigma against being able to share experiences
related to that part of our lives. I feel like too many people keep their
struggles pent in deep inside and they aren't dealing with them. I feel like,
as messed up as a lot of my life has been and with all the trauma I have fought
through..if I can put myself out there then maybe my songs can reach other
people and resonate with them and help them gain at least some small insight
into themselves. The more I thought about Perpetuate The Struggle as my vehicle
for creation of my music and what it means to me...I just see so many people
out there in the world struggling every day. I think about the ways I kept
fueling the flames of my own struggles in the past and still do now. Sometimes
all it takes is a little nudge. I know in my past and with some of my struggles
music I listened to helped me gain new perspective and gave me extra momentum
in getting through my struggles. I hope that as I go through this journey
musically that I can do that for others as well. I think that emotional pain is
something that most people have the ability to recognize, relate to, and
ephathize with. Emotional pain is something that everyone has to deal with to
some degree so I think it just comes down to being able to share my experiences
in a way that everyone can relate to, but at the same time knowing that at
times I may come from a place where my audience can't relate to and/or doesn't
want to deal with. Probably one of the biggest challenges will be committing to
the vision I have for each song even if the subject matter for some of those
songs is not something listeners want to think about.
10.
You’ve said you want to inspire others to break unhealthy cycles in their
lives. What personal habits or changes have you made that align with this
message?
Well, the number one key is that you have to keep going. No matter how bad
things might seem or how bad they have gone. They can't change if you give up.
I am far from a finished product in breaking all of my unhealthy cycles but
through atrition and just stubbornly putting one foot in front of the other day
after day, year after year, decade after decade...if you commit to it you can
make changes, big and small, to your life. I think the biggest key is that you
don't give up on yourself. No matter how many times someone may want to give
up, they can't let themselves. People can find all the things they have changed
about themselves for the better when they get to that point instead of focusing
on all of the bad. Even if someone feels they have only one or no things good
about themselves they can pick something and work on it. Gradually adding more
things and over time working on being the person they want to be. That is what
I try to do. A lot of days I fail, but a lot of days I don't. One thing I don't
do is go backwards though, back to the point in life I was at that made me want
to give up because of bad choices, habits, my own misfortune, etc. in my life.
There may be times in life you get to that point again, but for different
reasons and so it's a process of looking within and seeing what you can do to
drag yourself back up again.
11.
Without live performances, how do you plan to connect with your audience and
share the story behind Black Curtain?
That is definitely something that has been on my mind. There are some things I
have thought about to gain a connection with them. As I work on getting a
larger presence online I will see about making a more concrete plan with those
efforts. At present, I need to gain an audience though so I have a bit of time
to flesh all of that out. The primary way I am working on doing that through
just the music itself is having multiple releases of each song in different
genres to connect to more listeners and making sure that regardless of genre I
make sure that I take the necessary time to keep the bests songs I can to
release.
12.
Looking ahead, what can fans expect from Perpetuate The Suffering in terms of
future releases or projects? Are there any upcoming themes or stories you’re
excited to explore?
Well, I do have one or possibly two more projects after my vision for the songs
I am working on now is complete. I am and will continue to be working through
those as I finish the songs related to this project. This was all sort of
surprising even to me. I knew I wanted to try and get something going
creatively musically but the lightning bolt of inspiration I got from my mom
just sped everything up. I do have some other themes dealing with personal
struggle currently and on how to bring them to life through song but with my
production pace I should be ready to get into my next project within the next
6-8 months but I am working through possible plans for more content featuring
songs that didn't quite make the cut later down the road and I am looking at that
as being something I would do for every project and offering them at a lower
price point for anyone who would be interested in seeing what they missed out
on.
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